Actually, this is a very difficult question to answer and I am still trying to figure it out. All I know is that the last day I felt “normal” was Sunday, July 28th, 2002. On the Monday that followed, everything changed. I remember it like it was yesterday, sitting in my big, bright, and beautiful corner office. I was in my mid-20’s and on top of the world. I had a fulfilling job in tech at one of the nation’s largest companies, had been married to my amazing husband for over 5 years, lived in a cozy and comfortable starter home in a suburb of Seattle, and was about half-way through my MBA program. I was born an old-soul, and was happy to already feel so established at my young age. Little did I know that everything would change in an instant.
At around 1:00 that afternoon, I was sitting at my computer working on one of the myriad of spreadsheets I tackled on a daily basis, when all of a sudden I became extremely dizzy and thought I was going to pass out. At first, I chalked it up to Excel-overload (which can make anyone feel cross-eyed after a while!), or maybe dehydration (had I drank enough water that day?), or possibly just a bit of stress (but who isn’t stressed!?). However, as the minutes ticked on, the feeling worsened. After drinking two large bottles of water, I headed outside for some fresh air. I sat on the curb and took in several deep breaths. It didn’t help. The world was spinning and I had no idea why.
I headed home early to get some rest, hoping that a good night’s sleep would shake off whatever bug I had caught. However, upon rising the next morning and feeling no better than the day before, I decided to stay home. Although not feeling any improvement by Wednesday, I did my best to get through the next couple of days at work even though my symptoms were worsening and were now accompanied by extreme nausea. By Friday, I was spending what would be the first of many nights to come in the ER.
After waiting what seemed like hours, vitals were taken, blood was drawn, and the doctors ran all of the typical ER tests, which came back normal. I was sent home with meclizine (an over the counter motion sickness medicine similar to dramamine) and was told to come back if the spinning hadn’t ceased by Sunday. The spinning hadn’t ceased and I headed back to the ER Sunday evening. A CT scan was performed, which also came back normal, and they sent me on my way with Valium for the vertigo.
Still wondering if stress could be the culprit, I took a week off work. During this time, I went in for a brain MRI and this scan also came back normal. What was happening to me? How did I go from a healthy vibrant 26-year old to someone who couldn’t read, watch TV, or drive because my world wouldn’t stop spinning? Could this really be stress? I was leading a portion of my company’s largest software development project at the time, working 12-14 hour days 6-7 days per week, and working on my Master’s Degree in Business Administration in my “free” time. So, yeah, maybe I was pushing myself a bit too hard, but still didn’t really believe this had changed my health so drastically overnight.
On August 4th, my husband and I had planned to go to a Cheryl Crow/Train concert with my parents at the Gorge in Washington State, an absolutely breath-taking outdoor theater overlooking the Columbia River Gorge. By the time this rolled around, I was noticing changes in my eyesight, like I was looking through a hazy filter with my vision going in and out of focus. With websites such as WebMD now easily accessible, it was difficult not to scare myself with ideas around what this could be. On one hand, I am a researcher at heart and wanted all the information possible to figure this out; however, I had a strong desire to balance the vast amount of information with at least a bit of common sense. I didn’t need doctors thinking I was some crazy hypochondriac. However, not surprisingly, the constant vertigo in combination with vision changes had me worried about a stroke, so it was with much hesitation that I decided to go to the concert.
I will never forget sitting there in the warm sun on the big patch of grass, feeling completely disconnected from what was going on around me. It was as if I was watching my life from a distance in an almost out-of-body experience. I barely heard the music, the crowd was a hazy blur, and I was so weak and lethargic, I slept most of the day. How had my life turned totally upside down in just 1 week?
On August 9th, I returned to work even though I still wasn’t 100%. Thankfully at the time, I didn’t realize that I would never be 100% again. What a daunting thought for someone so young. Over the years, I have come to terms with the reality that I will never feel better than I do today; however, that pill would have been even harder to swallow at 26. I wobbled my way through the next couple of weeks at work, knowing how out of sorts I felt, but hoping others wouldn’t notice. I remember walking down the hallways with the harsh overhead fluorescent lights, which seemed to bother me wherever they were present, making me dizzier with each step. I knew deep down that there was something really really wrong with me, but the doctors at that point chalked it up to a bad case of vertigo. Little did I know that this was just the beginning…
As a side note, ailing health is the last thing you are prepared to handle as a young adult, so I didn’t know what questions to ask, I was not a strong advocate for myself, and I was rarely given the opportunity to review and/or keep a copy of my records. Had I only known how important this was back then!
If you find yourself in an unfortunate health crisis, obtain and retain all copies of your medical records, doctor’s write-ups, lab results, etc. While they may not seem important at the time, the information could be invaluable in the years to come.
TOTALLY TICKED OFF 